Church Chronicles: Control, Conflict, and Confusion

Growing up in Church, as a child, I would oftentimes hear my mother mention in her “grown folks conversations” certain things going on at the particular Church that we were members at. I was a kid so I didn’t pay it no mind. Now that I have experienced Church hurt, the things that she would say suddenly make sense to me. Even as I have talked to her about certain things that happened in the Church that I used to attend, some of the things I shared were not a surprise to her. She would say, in part, “you know that type of stuff went on at …”  I’m still processing everything that happened during the decade that I attended the Church where I experienced hurt. The Pastor was emotionally abusive, yet I thought he was such a loving person that had my best interest in mind. Boy, was I fooled!

Not everything was bad, however. I grew a lot as a person during my time there. I was challenged to become a better person, and for that, I am grateful. Through research and hearing the voice of others speak about their experiences, I’ve learned that what I thought was a Church was a cult led by a Narcissist.

Below, I’m sharing some of the comments made directly to me from the Pastor and some of the things I experienced at this Church.

“You’re the type of woman I want my wife to hang out with”- The Pastor

At a time when I was giving about 30% of my salary, he told me, “I give half of my salary to the Church. I know you can give more than what you’re giving.” – The Pastor 

“You have the ugly duck syndrome” – The Pastor

“You couldn’t sow a $20,000 seed if you wanted to.”- The Pastor

“What would you say if I asked you to meet me at a hotel?”- The Pastor

“You have to be willing to walk alone.” – The Pastor

I had to send financial information and my schedule to him and his wife.

I had to check in with him on a weekly basis.

Me and another member of the Church wanted to go on a trip, and when she asked for his (the Pastor) permission, he shunned missing Church on a Sunday. We ended up not going on the trip.

I thought I had to move mountains in my personal life/schedule in order to make it to Church services and events.

One year, I wanted to invite the Pastor and his wife to my birthday celebration; I was told by someone close to them that I needed to make a special invitation for them because it’s like giving an invitation to the Governor. Sure enough, I made a special invitation for them.

I maxed out at least two of my credit cards to make sure I was continually sowing into the “Kingdom of God”.